december chill

Foreword...

I have long wanted to post this blog...amidst all technical and natural constraints beyond my control... (malfunctioning PC, hectic work schedule and pre-occupation from some "personal" issues).

I have long entitled it "december chill"...for around three weeks now...its conception period...

If I write it later than today...i will have to change everything to "january resolutions"...which I consider inappropriate for my feelings right now...

I have nature and events revolving around "my world" now...in uplifting me to write...

On the context that my feelings will be well understood by the readers and that they somewhat relate to scenarios and feelings described... I share to you...

"december chill"

i travel early at dawn...going to work
i travel late at night...coming from work (and other extra-curricular activities)
i travel around two to three hours each, to and from my given schedules...
i live in the suburbs...
simple living, simple rythym.
i work in the overly populated business district.
where buildings don't move...
and people merely nod at each other...
two distinct environments...
two distinct times.

between the two scenarios i have mentioned...places and times involved in my daily activity...
one common factor is always there...a living witness to my routine...
mother nature.
yes...mother nature.

i go to work...feelin' the wind always kissin' my face the moment i exit the door of my humble abode... i feel the wind envelope my whole physical being from hair strands to the tip of my toes... creating in me a chilly feeling... and yes, i know, it is december.

i hear the leaves from the trees i pass by...creating a symphony of orchestrated rhythm... the nocturnal insects that serve as vocals to the beat of the leaves...truly...a magnificent work of mother nature... nothing can beat their natural talents...really...not even Vivaldi, Bach or Beethoven... all are but natural talents... they are always on schedule at the same venue... the road going home.

i breath in the cool december wind...it penetrates my whole system...it brings chill into my warm physical structure, up to the last vein of my body... i leave home and it follows me to work as i open and peep into the 12th floor window...i know, it is december.
the northern atmosphere brings the cold wind into the tropics... and it usually does... every december.

the sky above me at night is such a wonderful sight...i look at it every single night...stargazing...
i could observe the thin white clouds amidst the darkness that surrounds the whole Philippine sky...they move like smoke from a newly-puffed cigar...funny, but, i cannot really think of any other fitting description of the clouds (you may observe them also for confirmation and clarity)... or is it just due to my newly-resurrected cigarette smoking? Whatever... I believe my description justifies the fact that the clouds truly move that way.

Star-wishing...I always search for the biggest and brightest star...always making the "same wish"...every single night. Sometimes, I wonder...can my "wishing star" still accommodate me... because I know, for a fact, there are millions around the world staring and wishing at THAT very same STAR too...though, I have not seen it fall yet (they say you must wish upon a shooting or falling star for your dreams to come true).

And...the chilly December wind helps me further convince "that star" to grant my wish...
Tranquility, happiness and love...to live the rest of my remaining life with HIM, whom all throughout my life...I have been waiting and longing for... a LOVE that would warm and comfort the "december chill" in me.

In between dawn and night time...when the sun is shining...I view nature at its best...in my home's laundry and cooking area...Funny again...but, I made it sure, when the house was constructed...that there was a full view of the ricefield, the two grown mango trees, trees from the nearby resort...and the "i don't know how old they are now" cows - around 3 of them..I really experience a "short-term" serenity staring at them...especially when flocks of farm birds alternately pass through the rice fields...Thank God...I am one with nature...

But, I always look and wait for my "white butterfly"...since Mama died, she seemed to be represented by the "white butterfly"...and whenever it flies around me...I talk to her...seeking guidance...seeking wisdom. December, it rarely flies around...but, I saw it this morn, and the more I was convinced to write this blog. Mama has always been supportive of my hidden passion for writing and expressing (or sharing) my self to the whole world...a great loss to me.
And, I would write a separate blog dedicated to her...as I have scheduled some other blogs too...in dedication to other important people in my life.

I am in the most "chilling" moment of my life right now, a stage...a season...where I seemed to be "frozen"... my life, my feelings, my whole entity...it's december...the season goes with my feelings... I have longed for HIM...to melt away the ice...and that star, bit by bit...is shedding some light, giving some hope...and making me realize and see...my "december chill" will soon be gone...with HIS presence in my life...HE will warm my December nights...


post script: For Michael...Thank you. I love you.